Baby Janjan

We love you and we miss you.

We love you and we miss you.

It’s been more than 4 years when we had you, and then lost you, too soon. 😦 Despite all the sad memories of yesteryears the very clear image I have of your innocent face still lingers in our hearts and heads. And together with that are the precious lessons, your very short life offered.

They say that our names have stories to tell. They proclaim to the world the life we are to live. I guess it’s true. You made me realized that when you were gone. Before, I couldn’t quite understand its meaning. I couldn’t put it together. I remember one scene in the cemetery while looking at your tomb. I was asked what all these had brought me? I was stunned. I didn’t know how to answer. I was caught flat footed. Or maybe I was too sad, too blinded by pain that I can’t think of a sensible reply. So I just kept quiet. Looking back though, after weathering a number of storms, I discovered the wisdom. I, together with the whole family received the many blessings your name carry.

God is gracious, God has brought me PEACE. This I’ll remember all days of my life. This I’ll never get tired of sharing to my future daughters and sons. How surreal that was. I was in pain and at peace at the same time. I was hurting but I felt being comforted by Your warm embrace. I was crying yet I heard Your soft voice telling me to pick up the missing pieces of my life and find the joy I once had.

God is gracious, God has brought me UNDERSTANDING. That everything has a purpose even the pain in our lives. No matter how trite this sounds, pain is there to make me stronger and wiser. It will sometimes hurt like hell, but then it won’t kill. Things will get better but I have to will it. As they say, You cannot steer a parked car. I should be intentional in learning the lessons of life and finding joy doing it.

God is gracious, God has brought me FORGIVENESS. The heart was made not to carry grudges but love that’s meant to be shared no matter how difficult it is. Life’s a total drag when there’s too much baggage. Travel light. Forgive and forget. Easier said than done, though. I continuously pray that I’ll get better doing this. After all, I fail and go astray every now and then just like everyone else. Yet despite the ugliness of my sins, I can always run back to You and be forgiven.

God is gracious, God has brought me STRENGTH. Truly, I am made of really good stuff. After all I came from God. But these inner resources I have will constantly be tested by life’s adversaries. Life will never run out of stumbling blocks and pitfalls. I will falter and fall but I can always dress my wounds and stand up again. I’ve hurdled many storms and I’m still alive. That’s something to be mighty proud about.

God is gracious, God has brought me DREAMS. And these are not dreams forever flying in wonderland. These are dreams that are meant to come true. These are dreams which God planted at the very depth of my heart. I have the blueprint now. I will make sure it won’t take me forever to have them realized.

God is gracious, God has brought me COURAGE. The courage to push forward, conquer territories I’ve never seen before, try things never in my life I thought I would be doing. The courage to change, to keep moving, to keep growing by doing things even when I am afraid.

God is gracious, God has brought me JOY. The kind that is not superficial. The one that comes from the very depth of my soul. The kind that can make me smile even in times of stress and trials knowing that I am truly, perfectly, and completely loved. The kind that makes me sing songs of joy and gratitude even when my knees are shaking not knowing what things may come.

God is gracious, God has brought me FAITH. And it’s not something that was just handed over to me by someone else. Not a second rate version. It’s something I discovered myself with God’s grace and love. It’s something that I decided to own because I felt it and discovered its beauty and wonders myself. And when I did, my whole life changed. I felt renewed. I felt like being born again. New beliefs, simpler yet stronger this time around.

God is gracious, God has brought me HOPE. Hope for better days ahead. Hope for brighter tomorrows. Hope for many more joys yet to claim. Hope for endless good things to come even in times of trouble, even when it’s all dark around, even when success is so elusive, even when truth is hard to find.

God is gracious, God has brought me LOVE. And because of this overflowing love I was purified. I felt clean. I felt beautiful. I felt ready to love again. I felt ready to love others but most importantly myself.

God is gracious, God has brought me YOU. You and the many lessons you gave. You helped me brought back my life. A life that’s filled with peace, understanding, forgiveness, strength, dreams, courage, joy, faith, hope, and love. A life that’s meant to be lived wisely, fruitfully and gratefully. A life that should not go to waste.

I can never thank you enough for being with us even for just a short while. I will thank God a million times for letting you live with us. I hugged you. I carried you. I kissed you even for just a short while. I’ll think of you when I’m happy. I’ll think of you when I’m sad. I’ll remember you in times of triumphs. I’ll remember you in times of drought. I will love you all days of my life. 🙂


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