Some of God’s gifts are unanswered prayers (from Garth Brook’s song Unanswered Prayers).
This I read a few weeks ago. But then surprisingly the revelations made by the previous days were overwhelming that it lead me back to this nugget of thought. 🙂 And I can almost hear You say, “See, that’s why I won’t give it. I have better things for you instead.”
There are times when just like any regular child, I find myself at Your feet begging for something, asking You with all my heart to grant whatever request I think will make me happier and complete. Frequently, You answer yes with sheer delight and pure excitement. I know You want me to feel Your love. You desire to give me joy that’s overwhelming and more than enough. Yet on some rare occasions, You firmly say no. And this You say so cold and harsh, as if I’m not Your child. For no matter how hard I try to convince You to change Your mind, You just won’t do it. Even when my eyes will tire of crying and I pray without ceasing, You just won’t listen. So I’ll be left feeling neglected, abandoned, unloved. 😦 But then after a while, when the big picture unfolds I will realize how You have saved the best for me. That You have made a good decision not to heed my call after all. For always in the end, more beautiful rewards await me. And I will stand in amazement, completely awed by Your magnificent surprise.
There are moments though when You just keep quiet, as if contemplating whether to give it or not. Is it yes, no, maybe??? Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!!! I’ve been in this circumstance many times. But then I still can’t find the wisdom and grace to handle it right. Black and white. Very straightforward. With this, I know exactly where to put myself. I know precisely what to feel. But the gray area in the middle… it’s something very uncertain. And i’ts crippling as if I’m tied onto something that keeps me from moving. Am I just too busy to hear Your answer? It’s an ugly feeling. I feel like I’m stuck on one place. I don’t know which side to go to believing my decision should be based on the answer You will give. I sometimes think maybe You haven’t made up Your mind yet. And I just have to wait. It requires a lot of patience and also the gift of discernment. It makes me feel scared somehow for I don’t know how long the waiting will end. I am frightened by the possibility of making poor choices.
But then I realized these past few days (with all the twists and turns) how good You are to me. How You will always look after me and protect me. Thank You for opening my eyes. I can now see. 🙂 I now understand why You seem not to move no matter how much I tried to convince You to hear my call and give me what I am asking for. The waiting was long, I know. It was sad, too. But then it paid off. Finally, I heard Your answer. It runs counter to what I’m wishing to achieve. Very opposite in fact. Frustrating but surprisingly liberating. So now I’m glad I waited. Gratitude fills my heart. I felt empty and lonely but You see I learned. 🙂
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…Isaiah 55:8. Teach me to honor Your words when You said that. To trust You most especially when I don’t get the things I want.