Category Archives: Love Letters

Help

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I need others in my life. Thank You for making me understand that. Please help me believe that. Allow that thought to stick in my heart and mind especially when I’m in a hurry, when I’m getting impatient, and when I am so tired. There’s something wrong with keeping struggles to oneself. Thoughts, dreams, achievements and day to day experiences no matter how small become bigger and more beautiful when shared. Teach me to trust. This way I can live and love more. I can live and love better. John Maxwell said “If you want to go fast, do it by yourself. If you want to go far, do it with others”. My dreams will come true. I will expand and I will grow. I can’t do this alone. I need my family, friends, mentors, even strangers to help me do this. And they’re all around me. I only need to take their hands when they offer help.

Everything I need comes to me. Thanks TIta Julie! 🙂

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In Your Hands

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Thank You for this wonderful day. Thank You for taking the confusion and worries away. I lift up to you my struggles, my pain, my concerns (big or small), my dreams. Yes “Bahala na!” But I’ll speak those very abused Filipino words in a positive light – denoting sacrifice but most importantly surrender. Purify not only my dreams but also me so I’ll become worthy of them. I will run towards them unrelentingly no matter how tiring that seems. I’m certain You’re there eagerly waiting at the finish line, with arms wide open, with a proud look on your smiling face. I am asking now (more than ever) in trust. On top of it all, I am acting in faith. Whatever I have I’ll use it no matter how little, meaningless, insignificant in my eyes. Just like the little boy I give you my fish and my bread hoping with all my heart that with generosity, kindness, and love they will multiply. I know an avalanche of blessings will fall upon me. A river of miracles will welcome me. Teach me to be patient. In times of distress, quietly remind me I’m still on phase 1. 🙂 That’s why the good things are still invisible to my naked eyes. You’re just there behind the curtain preparing something that will take me by surprise. When I enter phase 2, I’ll get a sense of why. I’ll have the wisdom to understand.

Bless me so I will expand. Just like Brother Bo, I believe “Nothing remains small in the big hands of God.” 🙂

Because of Who You Are

I don’t have to live in fear 
Because of what Your love has done 
Now that You are near I don’t have to be alone
God of all the earth, You know my thoughts
You are all I need, You’re my praise, my song

CHORUS
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You

Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You

That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are

CHORUS
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You
I can live, I can dream; You are all, all that I need
I can live, I can dream; You are all, all that I need

Ramblings

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I’m presently all over the place. My thoughts are incoherent and I don’t feel good about myself. The bad weather outside ended yesterday. Yet the wrath of the angry wind and the rain’s wild lashing seemed to hit me deep within. I’m finding it hard to recover. Why can’t things work out the way I want them to? Why does it have to be soooooooo hard? I feel that I’ve given so much today but in return nothing happened. I remember Brother Bo’s words 2 weeks ago in his talk. He said, “God will never waste a single hurt in your life. He will use that hurt for your healing and for your harvest. ” Why do I keep on hitting this dead end? How come this path always seemed dark? I know just like the other roads I’ve taken I’ll get through this somehow. But at the back of my mind, I know I don’t want that SOMEHOW. I desire to emerge triumphant and hold victory in my hands. I believe this journey is worth taking. There is treasure waiting for me on the other side.

I am oftentimes tempted to make a detour and turn away but I know I shouldn’t. I’m certain I wouldn’t. Is that the right choice? How will I know if this will lead to real joy? To a life that’s fuller? Will this dream bring me closer to You? Will this make me better? Will this bear fruits that can bless others, too? I am seriously doubting. I’m not sure anymore. There, finally I said it. It was at the tip of my tongue. It was hiding in the caverns of my confused mind. Many times, I pushed away those words, those thoughts but then they’re there. They’re now out in the open. And I’m thankful I let them go. felt relieved. It’s like a heavy weight was lifted of my shoulders. So this is what all these “clutter” is all about. The pressure is beginning to melt over me and I don’t want to admit it. I couldn’t handle it. Fears are beginning to inch towards me, slowly and quietly asserting themselves to my thoughts and to my body. What if things don’t work out? What if I fail again? A list of uninspiring thoughts about the future that is also not certain. I want to forget about these ugly things, bury it down under, send it to the wind. If only I could.

As this day finishes and I start to rest, I pray that I be cleansed of all these random ramblings, dispersed thoughts heading nowhere. I pray that I find answers to questions that really matter. And tomorrow when I open my eyes, I will wake up to the hope, beauty, and joy that the new day offers. For now, I’ll accept the truth that some days are wonderful and others unbearable. Still, whatever days I have, they are sill gifts from You. Nonetheless I’m not giving up. In the end, I know that there’s something good (even small) this weary day will give no matter what.

Dear God,

Let Your light shine before me, that I may see Your good works and give glory to Your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16). I know that the hurting will cease. The crying will stop. Soon I will ascend and others will learn. Consume me. Consume me from the inside out.

Your Ways

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Some of God’s gifts are unanswered prayers (from Garth Brook’s song Unanswered Prayers).

This I read a few weeks ago. But then surprisingly the revelations made by the previous days were overwhelming that it lead me back to this nugget of thought. 🙂 And I can almost hear You say, “See, that’s why I won’t give it. I have better things for you instead.”

There are times when just like any regular child, I find myself at Your feet begging for something, asking You with all my heart to grant whatever request I think will make me happier and complete. Frequently, You answer yes with sheer delight and pure excitement. I know You want me to feel Your love. You desire to give me joy that’s overwhelming and more than enough. Yet on some rare occasions, You firmly say no. And this You say so cold and harsh, as if I’m not Your child. For no matter how hard I try to convince You to change Your mind, You just won’t do it. Even when my eyes will tire of crying and I pray without ceasing, You just won’t listen. So I’ll be left feeling neglected, abandoned, unloved. 😦 But then after a while, when the big picture unfolds I will realize how You have saved the best for me. That You have made a good decision not to heed my call after all. For always in the end, more beautiful rewards await me. And I will stand in amazement, completely awed by Your magnificent surprise.

There are moments though when You just keep quiet, as if contemplating whether to give it or not. Is it yes, no, maybe??? Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!!! I’ve been in this circumstance many times. But then I still can’t find the wisdom and grace to handle it right. Black and white. Very straightforward. With this, I know exactly where to put myself. I know precisely what to feel. But the gray area in the middle… it’s something very uncertain. And i’ts crippling as if I’m tied onto something that keeps me from moving. Am I just too busy to hear Your answer? It’s an ugly feeling. I feel like I’m stuck on one place. I don’t know which side to go to believing my decision should be based on the answer You will give. I sometimes think maybe You haven’t made up Your mind yet. And I just have to wait. It requires a lot of patience and also the gift of discernment. It makes me feel scared somehow for I don’t know how long the waiting will end. I am frightened by the possibility of making poor choices.

But then I realized these past few days (with all the twists and turns) how good You are to me. How You will always look after me and protect me. Thank You for opening my eyes. I can now see. 🙂 I now understand why You seem not to move no matter how much I tried to convince You to hear my call and give me what I am asking for. The waiting was long, I know. It was sad, too. But then it paid off. Finally, I heard Your answer. It runs counter to what I’m wishing to achieve. Very opposite in fact. Frustrating but surprisingly liberating. So now I’m glad I waited. Gratitude fills my heart. I felt empty and lonely but You see I learned. 🙂

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…Isaiah 55:8. Teach me to honor Your words when You said that. To trust You most especially when I don’t get the things I want.

 

Still

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Waves are beautiful. Waves can be a friend. Sometimes a loving mom that caresses you softly while on bed. They sing songs of promise. They sing songs of love. They whisper delightful words that make your heart throbs.

But sometimes waves can be scary. Waves can be bad. They go crazily mad; they make you fear for your life. They rise like angry giants ready to take the fight. They’re frightening, intimidating. You want them out of your sight.

So how do you send them away? How do you make them stop? When they shake you forcefully from left to right. When they wake you up and make you toss on bed at night. It makes you wonder – how come they were peaceful and quiet beforehand. For some reasons you don’t understand, they suddenly changed their minds. Without a prior warning. Just like that.

I know it’s something beyond my control. One thing my hands can’t do about. Nothing can combat them but a short prayer held securely in my heart. Hoping with all my might you will respond. That You will silence the storm in a snap. And once again the waters will behave like a sleeping child.

Of course, You did.

Thank You for reminding me to be still. For telling me You are my “GOD”. That I am Your child. And just like any loving father, you will never leave my side. Even when the tides are high (literally). When I’m facing something bigger and everything around me is going wild. I know You got me covered. That under Your protective hands I am safe and sound. That all I have to do is believe. And then after that I can relax. Because You’ll take good care of everything. After all You are the one in charge. 🙂

A Blessed Wednesday

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Today is a blessed day because of You.

I heard You when I woke up this morning. You whispered words that spoke of joy and love. I felt You when I was running with friends on the jogging track. Your warm embrace never fails to make me feel alright. I ate with You when I was having breakfast. All the bounty I received was enough to give me energy that will last. I thought of You when we were planning to go out. I know that You will keep us safe and sound. I witnessed Your glory when I saw Brother James outside – happy, healed, and ready to go back. Too many happy things to be thankful for. But then that’s how You are. With generosity and faithfulness You’ll never run out. 🙂

I saw Your beauty when I got to know Port Vila’s not so known side. Thank You Ate Mona for this! It was completely different from what I normally see – laidback, quiet, and not so hooooooot. Thank You for the camera we have. It added so much to the fun. Images were taken here and there. And with every happy face and beautiful place captured by its lens was You quietly smiling and watching over us. Thank You for this few fleeting hours. The photo session no matter how corny and embarrassing to some extent was fun. It was time wasted but still worthwhile. How ironic is that! 🙂 We enjoyed walking on Your sand. We were happy to see the Your white clouds up above. The big ship on a stop gave us a reason to relax.

We went back on board with happy stories. Again we carried with us exciting memories. We went to work tired yet in a way rejuvenated. We went back to the ship more brown, too. Thanks to Mr. Sun which made us all the more tan. Healthy color though – yummy chocolate brown. 🙂 Thanks also for this. I’m beginning to like it now. I feel glad I’m different. Growing old isn’t bad after all for one learns to appreciate things not well accepted before. Less insecurities, more wisdom.

And then just before my day ended, I heard You once more. A stranger talking to me. Familiar stranger actually. Nothing much to say. Just making sure I’m okay. Thanks Grace’s dad. Simple words but they matter a lot.

Thank You for another wonderful day. Thank You for all the lovely things felt, heard and seen. Teach me to do this more. To look for loveliness offered. To give thanks always. Whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there’s excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, let me think about these things. Remind me to keep on doing what I have learned and received and seen in You. Then the God of peace will be with me. (Philippians 4:8-9) 🙂

Today is a blessed day because of You. I look forward to more blessed days spent with You.

Sea of Dreams

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plansThey say that You planted dreams in our hearts. We have them inside as early as a child. And that we have to try our best and use all resources available to have them realized. I thought I already knew what I wanted. It’s something I carried tenderly in my heart and mind. I’m certain that this dream came from You, too. And I believe with all my might that one day it will come true. I don’t know what I’m feeling these past few days. I’m bothered by a thought that won’t budge. I don’t know but for some reason there’s a new color that’s starting to be added to the picture I intend to paint in my life. An unexpected new dream is starting to bud. I don’t want to entertain it but then each day this seemingly interesting mental image is starting to unfold. It gets clearer as more details are added. And I hold it dearly not knowing exactly where this would lead. I’m not sure how long it will last. Maybe it’s just temporary. Probably a passing thought. But then I’m happy to have it in mind. I’m confused though because once I allow myself to be charmed by it, it will go against the things I previously planned.  Haaaayyyy… 😦

The sea seems to call me. The waves seem to whisper a different sound. Before it was all about agony and restlessness. Now it speaks of a new love. And the scary part – I am slowly falling into its hands. It offers en exciting promise. It makes me think everything will be alright. Despite the uncertainties. Not minding all the odds.

I want to see the wonders of this world. I want to see the magic of Your hands. I want to witness those pictures I cut and articles I read as a little girl come to life. I want to see them for real, experience them first hand. I want to do all of these while I’m young and unattached. I want to hear more stories and write about them for others to read and understand. I want to make more mistakes which in the future will just make me laugh. I want to learn precious lessons and keep getting better wherever I’m at. I want to keep my zest for life. I want to meet new people. I want to learn other culture. I want to work harder. I want to earn more. I want to dream more dreams. I want to make all of them real one by one.

I know that this is not going to be easy. Complications will once again present themselves. But I also know that if something’s meant for me I will get it no matter what. I can do all things through You. You will help me. You will guide me. You will bless me. You will walk with me and help me shape my destiny. Thank You for this little fountain of hope. I’m not sure where this will take me, what new adventures this will give. Whatever it is, I’m excited to find out. 🙂  As you said, “ You know the plans You have for me. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) And I believe Your words.

Then speaking of divine intervention or simply good timing, I read this:

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Help me decide. I still have a few more months. I lift up to You the concerns of my heart. I know that whatever choice I’ll make, You will never leave my side. Even though I walk through the valley of darkness, I fear no evil for You are with me (Psalms 23:4). 🙂 Forever, you will stay with me.