Tag Archives: faith

In Your Hands

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gods-hands

Thank You for this wonderful day. Thank You for taking the confusion and worries away. I lift up to you my struggles, my pain, my concerns (big or small), my dreams. Yes “Bahala na!” But I’ll speak those very abused Filipino words in a positive light – denoting sacrifice but most importantly surrender. Purify not only my dreams but also me so I’ll become worthy of them. I will run towards them unrelentingly no matter how tiring that seems. I’m certain You’re there eagerly waiting at the finish line, with arms wide open, with a proud look on your smiling face. I am asking now (more than ever) in trust. On top of it all, I am acting in faith. Whatever I have I’ll use it no matter how little, meaningless, insignificant in my eyes. Just like the little boy I give you my fish and my bread hoping with all my heart that with generosity, kindness, and love they will multiply. I know an avalanche of blessings will fall upon me. A river of miracles will welcome me. Teach me to be patient. In times of distress, quietly remind me I’m still on phase 1. 🙂 That’s why the good things are still invisible to my naked eyes. You’re just there behind the curtain preparing something that will take me by surprise. When I enter phase 2, I’ll get a sense of why. I’ll have the wisdom to understand.

Bless me so I will expand. Just like Brother Bo, I believe “Nothing remains small in the big hands of God.” 🙂

Because of Who You Are

I don’t have to live in fear 
Because of what Your love has done 
Now that You are near I don’t have to be alone
God of all the earth, You know my thoughts
You are all I need, You’re my praise, my song

CHORUS
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You

Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You

That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are
That’s who You are, that’s who You are

CHORUS
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You
Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You
I can live, I can dream; You are all, all that I need
I can live, I can dream; You are all, all that I need

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New Fears for New Year

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Thank You for last year and all the things that happened whether they are good or not. The latter I will just consider learning experiences. 🙂 I know they’re meant to help me get better. There were heartaches and failed expectations. But then on one side, I must say there were more joys and blessings to be grateful for.

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atrium

R98 🙂

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open deck countdown

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atrium drama

It felt different attending the countdown at sea. It’s something new again and I had fun doing it. There were many people partying out loud, dancing and laughing as wild as they can. Everybody’s happy and excited for New Year. New hopes, new dreams, new opportunities. Amidst the noise, the cold, the colors and the smiles, I thought of You and all the plans I have in mind. It must have been pressure melting over me. I couldn’t understand. How I wish I have my family to comfort me, to tell me things will turn out right no matter what. I really needed that. There’s a small fear slowly getting into my nerves – fear of failure, it is. Fear of moving away from something that’s starting to feel like home to me. Fear of trying only to realize in the end it will not work out. Fear of being laughed at because I didn’t make it. Fear of hearing the words “See, I told you. It won’t work.” Fear of waking up in the morning, seeing myself in the mirror and realizing they’re all right after all. Ayayay…..Fear is such an ugly feeling. It makes me freeze and it makes me shake. It leaves my senses in turmoil. But then I also realized, how ironic that despite this ugliness it has, there’s something beautiful in it, too. It makes me pause, it makes me think, it makes me careful. 🙂 You created it for a purpose – to save and to nurture, a door towards something great. As I look back, I began to think how fear had helped me come up with important decisions which had a big impact on the life I have. Some of them didn’t turn out well yet in the end I was happy making it. I learned important lessons from them. So just take a leap of faith. I know You will always be there. You will cushion the ground when I fall. You will dress my wounds when I get hurt. You will walk with me all the way through. Just like what you did to Esther. 🙂

I guess I should not fear “fear” but rather consider it a friend. Welcome it when I see it coming. Its purpose should not go to waste. It’ll make me grow and prosper. I pray that you will give me courage to every day “do things afraid.” To speak up and fight for what I think is right. To smile and to say hello. To be seen and be heard. To forgive and forget. To risk and always take a chance. To try something new each day no matter how small it is. To listen and to believe. To sing and to dance. To be crazy and to look like a fool. To be laughed at. To let others see I need them in my life. To study and learn again and again. To hear a story after sharing my own. To dream more dreams and make them real. To do the hard stuff. To love and to cry. To hold someone else’s hand. These and many more.

Help me open the door. Guide me as I walk through avenues I’m yet to explore. I know that abundance is waiting for me at the end. Help me remember Your words. Be determined and confident. Do not be afraid of them. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Baby Janjan

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We love you and we miss you.

We love you and we miss you.

It’s been more than 4 years when we had you, and then lost you, too soon. 😦 Despite all the sad memories of yesteryears the very clear image I have of your innocent face still lingers in our hearts and heads. And together with that are the precious lessons, your very short life offered.

They say that our names have stories to tell. They proclaim to the world the life we are to live. I guess it’s true. You made me realized that when you were gone. Before, I couldn’t quite understand its meaning. I couldn’t put it together. I remember one scene in the cemetery while looking at your tomb. I was asked what all these had brought me? I was stunned. I didn’t know how to answer. I was caught flat footed. Or maybe I was too sad, too blinded by pain that I can’t think of a sensible reply. So I just kept quiet. Looking back though, after weathering a number of storms, I discovered the wisdom. I, together with the whole family received the many blessings your name carry.

God is gracious, God has brought me PEACE. This I’ll remember all days of my life. This I’ll never get tired of sharing to my future daughters and sons. How surreal that was. I was in pain and at peace at the same time. I was hurting but I felt being comforted by Your warm embrace. I was crying yet I heard Your soft voice telling me to pick up the missing pieces of my life and find the joy I once had.

God is gracious, God has brought me UNDERSTANDING. That everything has a purpose even the pain in our lives. No matter how trite this sounds, pain is there to make me stronger and wiser. It will sometimes hurt like hell, but then it won’t kill. Things will get better but I have to will it. As they say, You cannot steer a parked car. I should be intentional in learning the lessons of life and finding joy doing it.

God is gracious, God has brought me FORGIVENESS. The heart was made not to carry grudges but love that’s meant to be shared no matter how difficult it is. Life’s a total drag when there’s too much baggage. Travel light. Forgive and forget. Easier said than done, though. I continuously pray that I’ll get better doing this. After all, I fail and go astray every now and then just like everyone else. Yet despite the ugliness of my sins, I can always run back to You and be forgiven.

God is gracious, God has brought me STRENGTH. Truly, I am made of really good stuff. After all I came from God. But these inner resources I have will constantly be tested by life’s adversaries. Life will never run out of stumbling blocks and pitfalls. I will falter and fall but I can always dress my wounds and stand up again. I’ve hurdled many storms and I’m still alive. That’s something to be mighty proud about.

God is gracious, God has brought me DREAMS. And these are not dreams forever flying in wonderland. These are dreams that are meant to come true. These are dreams which God planted at the very depth of my heart. I have the blueprint now. I will make sure it won’t take me forever to have them realized.

God is gracious, God has brought me COURAGE. The courage to push forward, conquer territories I’ve never seen before, try things never in my life I thought I would be doing. The courage to change, to keep moving, to keep growing by doing things even when I am afraid.

God is gracious, God has brought me JOY. The kind that is not superficial. The one that comes from the very depth of my soul. The kind that can make me smile even in times of stress and trials knowing that I am truly, perfectly, and completely loved. The kind that makes me sing songs of joy and gratitude even when my knees are shaking not knowing what things may come.

God is gracious, God has brought me FAITH. And it’s not something that was just handed over to me by someone else. Not a second rate version. It’s something I discovered myself with God’s grace and love. It’s something that I decided to own because I felt it and discovered its beauty and wonders myself. And when I did, my whole life changed. I felt renewed. I felt like being born again. New beliefs, simpler yet stronger this time around.

God is gracious, God has brought me HOPE. Hope for better days ahead. Hope for brighter tomorrows. Hope for many more joys yet to claim. Hope for endless good things to come even in times of trouble, even when it’s all dark around, even when success is so elusive, even when truth is hard to find.

God is gracious, God has brought me LOVE. And because of this overflowing love I was purified. I felt clean. I felt beautiful. I felt ready to love again. I felt ready to love others but most importantly myself.

God is gracious, God has brought me YOU. You and the many lessons you gave. You helped me brought back my life. A life that’s filled with peace, understanding, forgiveness, strength, dreams, courage, joy, faith, hope, and love. A life that’s meant to be lived wisely, fruitfully and gratefully. A life that should not go to waste.

I can never thank you enough for being with us even for just a short while. I will thank God a million times for letting you live with us. I hugged you. I carried you. I kissed you even for just a short while. I’ll think of you when I’m happy. I’ll think of you when I’m sad. I’ll remember you in times of triumphs. I’ll remember you in times of drought. I will love you all days of my life. 🙂