Help

I need others in my life. Thank You for making me understand that. Please help me believe that. Allow that thought to stick in my heart and mind especially when I’m in a hurry, when I’m getting impatient, and when I am so tired. There’s something wrong with keeping struggles to oneself. Thoughts, dreams, achievements and day to day experiences no matter how small become bigger and more beautiful when shared. Teach me to trust. This way I can live and love more. I can live and love better. John Maxwell said “If you want to go fast, do it by yourself. If you want to go far, do it with others”. My dreams will come true. I will expand and I will grow. I can’t do this alone. I need my family, friends, mentors, even strangers to help me do this. And they’re all around me. I only need to take their hands when they offer help.

Everything I need comes to me. Thanks TIta Julie! 🙂

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Your Ways

Some of God’s gifts are unanswered prayers (from Garth Brook’s song Unanswered Prayers).

This I read a few weeks ago. But then surprisingly the revelations made by the previous days were overwhelming that it lead me back to this nugget of thought. 🙂 And I can almost hear You say, “See, that’s why I won’t give it. I have better things for you instead.”

There are times when just like any regular child, I find myself at Your feet begging for something, asking You with all my heart to grant whatever request I think will make me happier and complete. Frequently, You answer yes with sheer delight and pure excitement. I know You want me to feel Your love. You desire to give me joy that’s overwhelming and more than enough. Yet on some rare occasions, You firmly say no. And this You say so cold and harsh, as if I’m not Your child. For no matter how hard I try to convince You to change Your mind, You just won’t do it. Even when my eyes will tire of crying and I pray without ceasing, You just won’t listen. So I’ll be left feeling neglected, abandoned, unloved. 😦 But then after a while, when the big picture unfolds I will realize how You have saved the best for me. That You have made a good decision not to heed my call after all. For always in the end, more beautiful rewards await me. And I will stand in amazement, completely awed by Your magnificent surprise.

There are moments though when You just keep quiet, as if contemplating whether to give it or not. Is it yes, no, maybe??? Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!!! I’ve been in this circumstance many times. But then I still can’t find the wisdom and grace to handle it right. Black and white. Very straightforward. With this, I know exactly where to put myself. I know precisely what to feel. But the gray area in the middle… it’s something very uncertain. And i’ts crippling as if I’m tied onto something that keeps me from moving. Am I just too busy to hear Your answer? It’s an ugly feeling. I feel like I’m stuck on one place. I don’t know which side to go to believing my decision should be based on the answer You will give. I sometimes think maybe You haven’t made up Your mind yet. And I just have to wait. It requires a lot of patience and also the gift of discernment. It makes me feel scared somehow for I don’t know how long the waiting will end. I am frightened by the possibility of making poor choices.

But then I realized these past few days (with all the twists and turns) how good You are to me. How You will always look after me and protect me. Thank You for opening my eyes. I can now see. 🙂 I now understand why You seem not to move no matter how much I tried to convince You to hear my call and give me what I am asking for. The waiting was long, I know. It was sad, too. But then it paid off. Finally, I heard Your answer. It runs counter to what I’m wishing to achieve. Very opposite in fact. Frustrating but surprisingly liberating. So now I’m glad I waited. Gratitude fills my heart. I felt empty and lonely but You see I learned. 🙂

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…Isaiah 55:8. Teach me to honor Your words when You said that. To trust You most especially when I don’t get the things I want.

 

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who ‘s the fairest of them all?

When I look in the mirror I want to see more than just a pretty face. I want to see a woman radiating with pleasantness because she has the following qualities.

I want to see a woman of confidence. It means she trusts herself and everything she has and she’s never embarrassed to share them with others. She can speak her thoughts not minding what other people will say. She can walk proud and tall despite the many odds going against her or the high level of pressure aiming to crush her spirit. She can smile to everyone even to strangers. She asks for help when needed because she believes that will not make her lesser.

I want to see a woman who’s happy. And they say that’s the best make up. One can have the reddest lipstick but when that happy curve is missing on her mouth, it won’t do the works. It’s the joy that comes from within. It’s being happy in everything she does and everything she sees that will give her peace which is really attractive. It’s the kind of beauty that won’t perish. It’s laughing at the simple things, laughing even at herself. It’s refreshing. It’s invigorating because it inspires other people to be happy as well.

Thank you Ms. Elsa for showing me in your own simple way what happiness means. Mishoo!!! 🙂

 

I want to see a woman of power. The power to lead. The power to give. The power to make sound decisions for the goodness of many. It’s being impartial. It’s being just. It means looking after the ones who are under her. It means supporting them and standing by their side. It means making allowance for their mistakes because she knows they will get better. It means passing on what she knows so that in time they can lead, too.

I want to see a strong woman. And with this I mean not only physically. It’s having the strength to keep going even the waves are going against her. She stands mighty and firm no matter how big and serious the adversities the world offers. Yes she stumbles and falls every now and then but then she doesn’t get discouraged. She stands up, puts herself together, and keeps moving. She doesn’t stop. She never gives up.

I want to see a woman of courage. The courage to do things even when she’s afraid, even when she’s doubting, even when success is uncertain. It’s having the guts to audition her dreams. It’s trying many different unexplored routes to fulfil her personal legend. The world belongs to the bold. I think that’s beautiful. 🙂

I want to see a woman who’s driven. It means working hard. It means being purposive. She sets goals and she meets them one by one as scheduled. It means doing serious stuff and doing it the right way. It means choosing to learn more and being open to commit mistakes in the process of learning. It means having dreams and being aggressive to make them within her reach. It means not leaving things to chance and not letting others steal your destiny.

I want to see a woman who’s honest. It means not allowing lies to slip from her mouth. It means not letting these lies ruin other people’s lives. It means she can be true to herself. It’s showing who she really is even when she’s flawed, despite her many weaknesses. It means being ready to admit wrongdoings even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, even when she fears being ridiculed or laughed at.

I want to see a woman of service. She never lets an opportunity to help others pass. She offers her hands even when no one is asking for it. She has a heart for the needy and she is selfless. She helps without asking for anything in return. She helps because she can and she wants to. She helps because she wants to bring joy and hope to other people’s lives.

I want to see a woman who’s principled. She knows her truth and she values them. She has her own beliefs. She sticks to them and doesn’t wave them even when tempted. Her decisions may not always be the popular choice but then she fights for what she thinks is right. She knows what she can compromise. She knows what should remain untouched. She does not blur the line.

I want to see a woman who loves. Her heart is filled with it, overflowing in fact that she’s always ready to share it with others. She’s adorned by gentleness and a quiet spirit. Everything she does is worthy of praise because she does it with love. She chooses to do it even when it’s hard. She forgives. She is generous. She understands. She’s kind.

There are times when I look in the mirror and I don’t think I’m beautiful. There are moments when I feel unappreciated and small. But good thing You never fail to remind me I’m perfectly fine. That You look past my imperfections. That You see no blemish in me. 🙂  That my inner beauty won’t waste away. That I’m precious because I’m Yours. I pray that as I work on the many scars, insecurities, and shortcomings  I have You guide me and You show Your glowing face to me. This way I will never forget what I should strive to become like. Help me so that when I look in the mirror, I will see a woman radiating and smiling because of these qualities that no one can take away. As days go by, I know that this image I see will grow completely beautiful as it slowly yet surely takes Your image. 🙂

I believe that one day I will grow very old. My skin will dry. My hair will turn white. I claim that with the long, happy and fruitful life I will live, these few words will be enough to tell my story to others.

She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed. (Proverbs 3:15-18) 

A Blessed Wednesday

Today is a blessed day because of You.

I heard You when I woke up this morning. You whispered words that spoke of joy and love. I felt You when I was running with friends on the jogging track. Your warm embrace never fails to make me feel alright. I ate with You when I was having breakfast. All the bounty I received was enough to give me energy that will last. I thought of You when we were planning to go out. I know that You will keep us safe and sound. I witnessed Your glory when I saw Brother James outside – happy, healed, and ready to go back. Too many happy things to be thankful for. But then that’s how You are. With generosity and faithfulness You’ll never run out. 🙂

I saw Your beauty when I got to know Port Vila’s not so known side. Thank You Ate Mona for this! It was completely different from what I normally see – laidback, quiet, and not so hooooooot. Thank You for the camera we have. It added so much to the fun. Images were taken here and there. And with every happy face and beautiful place captured by its lens was You quietly smiling and watching over us. Thank You for this few fleeting hours. The photo session no matter how corny and embarrassing to some extent was fun. It was time wasted but still worthwhile. How ironic is that! 🙂 We enjoyed walking on Your sand. We were happy to see the Your white clouds up above. The big ship on a stop gave us a reason to relax.

with Ate Mona 🙂

We went back on board with happy stories. Again we carried with us exciting memories. We went to work tired yet in a way rejuvenated. We went back to the ship more brown, too. Thanks to Mr. Sun which made us all the more tan. Healthy color though – yummy chocolate brown. 🙂 Thanks also for this. I’m beginning to like it now. I feel glad I’m different. Growing old isn’t bad after all for one learns to appreciate things not well accepted before. Less insecurities, more wisdom.

And then just before my day ended, I heard You once more. A stranger talking to me. Familiar stranger actually. Nothing much to say. Just making sure I’m okay. Thanks Grace’s dad. Simple words but they matter a lot.

Thank You for another wonderful day. Thank You for all the lovely things felt, heard and seen. Teach me to do this more. To look for loveliness offered. To give thanks always. Whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there’s excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, let me think about these things. Remind me to keep on doing what I have learned and received and seen in You. Then the God of peace will be with me. (Philippians 4:8-9) 🙂

Today is a blessed day because of You. I look forward to more blessed days spent with You.

Sea of Dreams

They say that You planted dreams in our hearts. We have them inside as early as a child. And that we have to try our best and use all resources available to have them realized. I thought I already knew what I wanted. It’s something I carried tenderly in my heart and mind. I’m certain that this dream came from You, too. And I believe with all my might that one day it will come true. I don’t know what I’m feeling these past few days. I’m bothered by a thought that won’t budge. I don’t know but for some reason there’s a new color that’s starting to be added to the picture I intend to paint in my life. An unexpected new dream is starting to bud. I don’t want to entertain it but then each day this seemingly interesting mental image is starting to unfold. It gets clearer as more details are added. And I hold it dearly not knowing exactly where this would lead. I’m not sure how long it will last. Maybe it’s just temporary. Probably a passing thought. But then I’m happy to have it in mind. I’m confused though because once I allow myself to be charmed by it, it will go against the things I previously planned.  Haaaayyyy… 😦

The sea seems to call me. The waves seem to whisper a different sound. Before it was all about agony and restlessness. Now it speaks of a new love. And the scary part – I am slowly falling into its hands. It offers en exciting promise. It makes me think everything will be alright. Despite the uncertainties. Not minding all the odds.

I want to see the wonders of this world. I want to see the magic of Your hands. I want to witness those pictures I cut and articles I read as a little girl come to life. I want to see them for real, experience them first hand. I want to do all of these while I’m young and unattached. I want to hear more stories and write about them for others to read and understand. I want to make more mistakes which in the future will just make me laugh. I want to learn precious lessons and keep getting better wherever I’m at. I want to keep my zest for life. I want to meet new people. I want to learn other culture. I want to work harder. I want to earn more. I want to dream more dreams. I want to make all of them real one by one.

I know that this is not going to be easy. Complications will once again present themselves. But I also know that if something’s meant for me I will get it no matter what. I can do all things through You. You will help me. You will guide me. You will bless me. You will walk with me and help me shape my destiny. Thank You for this little fountain of hope. I’m not sure where this will take me, what new adventures this will give. Whatever it is, I’m excited to find out. 🙂  As you said, “ You know the plans You have for me. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) And I believe Your words.

Then speaking of divine intervention or simply good timing, I read this:

Help me decide. I still have a few more months. I lift up to You the concerns of my heart. I know that whatever choice I’ll make, You will never leave my side. Even though I walk through the valley of darkness, I fear no evil for You are with me (Psalms 23:4). 🙂 Forever, you will stay with me.

LSS

Thank You for this wonderful feeling. Thank You for this immense joy. Thank You for seeking me. Thank You for finding me. Thank You for loving me despite my imperfections. Thank You for planting dreams in my heart. Thank You for giving me hope. Thank You for the little courage I have. Thank You for reminding me to be still. Thank You for the many blessings received. Thank You for all lessons learned. Thank You for more tomorrows. Thank You for the gift of love.  Thank You for letting me see Your face. Thank You for letting me feel Your embrace. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me. Thank You for making me believe Your words. You are forever in my life. I will never get tired of singing that. You will be with me through all the seasons.  I trust in You. I believe in You. I love You. 🙂

Hear You

Please help me hear You. Please help me listen as You speak. Please help me understand You. Please make me believe it is You I must seek. Something in me is slowly dying down. I just couldn’t feel the fire. I don’t want to drift away from You. I want to remain steadfast in my faith. I’m thirsty and I’m hungry. But then I’m lazy, I’m worried, I’m lonely, I’m weak. Too many voices I hear. A wide variety of emotions I feel. I don’t know which to listen to. I’m not certain which to heed. I know You’re still speaking to me. You’re stubborn and You just won’t stop. Please help me hear You amidst the noise. I long to hear again Your loving words. Never let go of my hands. Never let go of me. 🙂